♥Au Revoir

Friday, November 20, 2009 7:43 PM

Hi. I'm damn awake now and i regret sleeping at 2 and waking up at 3.30pm. i know the cycle is gonna repeat, argh i don't wanna get insomnia again. you can guess i'm probably gonna type some rubbish here again but yeah well..it helps to kill time keep me occupied so why not. haha this post is gonna be longg, so maybe you don't wanna continue reading it unless you're bored like me. the weather is so gloomy again and i don't like it one bit because it makes me think alot. I don't know why though, haha.

Anw,something funny/weird happened to me in the afternoon while i was washing my hair. i was just scrubbing like usual and suddenly i saw a guitar pick floating amongst the foamy water on the floor. and for a moment my eyes went O.O and i got a little freaked out but after awhile i guessed it could have gotton stuck to my hair while i was slping. its not surprising since i always leave random stuffs lying on my bed/under my pillow unintentionally.

am still not hungry yet though its 8. had really late lunch at 5.30 just now but there's still dinner so i guess i'll keep that for supper. hopefully i won't get gastric again :s

youtubing at the moment to kill time. i feel happy whenever i hear a good song or one that has really good lyrics. it feels..i don't know what i should use to describe it. comforting maybe?

you know whot,. they always say our body works at one but if that's true why is it always that our mind and heart are always in a conflict. perhaps everyone will feel this at some point in their life or perhaps some already felt it over and over again in their lives. there're just too many things that we will never come to understand and i guess sometimes we just have to get used to life being that way because i've learnt that guessing will bring you nowhere. but the truth is always that time never heals, it only immunes us.

i used to wonder how people could blog on and on about their feelings and stuffs. but now perhaps i could understand. sometimes it doesnt matter if anyone is reading, it doesnt matter if people will ask what you're refering to or anything, it doesnt matter if you're gonna delete it in a day or so after you've had a good sleep and realised you typed something that sounds a little too emotional. whatever it may be, most of the time its only because it helps to make you feel a little better when you feel like you can let out some of what's troubling you and perhaps it could help someone who's feeling the same feel a little better too. sometimes when i read what others feel, it comforts me to know that i'm not the only one who feels that way or has ever felt that way.

there are many things that are so close to the heart that we always find it hard to tell someone about. its neither that there is no one to listen nor they're not close enough to know about such things. sometimes it is that hard that it seems almost impossible.or maybe too confusing that even you yourself don't know how to put it across. i guess the latter makes more sense. it is tooo much easier to just say i'm okay and keep it to yourself. haha yeah if you've ever felt the same way then you get what i mean. at times i feel lucky that i can tell my problems to God. He listens, he keeps your secrets and he offers a solution, even if you may not realise. haha k now,i'm not trying to be holy moly or anything.

i always tell myself that there'll always be another better day. perhaps you may think its childish but it works for me. stops me from brooding over stuffs and making the most out of every day because you never know when is your last.

sometimes i feel lost and empty. i wonder what life is really about. i wonder if i'll grow out of all these.(!!!) i wonder what's ahead of me when i open up my eyes sleepily in the morning everyday. i wonder if tomorrow or the future will be a better day.

but after all these years of living, I've learnt, life is not about regretting what you've done or what you should've done but being thankful for whatever good memories you've had before even if they are too trivial to matter to others. Forget the bad times, or maybe keeping them aside for the rest of your life may seem like a better/easier solution because they're hard to forget.

there are many things that we draft out in our mind, what we'd say if we could just speak about them.if we didnt have to be afraid of how others would feel, if we even had the courage to pour it all out. then we get the impulse to say it all out, all at once. but we never have a chance to say them. either chickened out,figure that we shouldnt start a problem when everything seems good or wake up from a sleep thinking that it was just a silly thought.and its a wonder how humans can convey what they feel in words like 'i love you' but the times we think of somebody, before you sleep, while you were in the middle of doing or something or while walking past an old place, they will never come to know of it.they'll never get a hint of it even. there are times i thought how great life would be if we could read other's mind but then again if this was possible, wouldnt the world be in a chaos?

k this is getting really longg. i'm not sad or anything and i guess whoever who's reading has had enough of my typing. haha. goodbye for now and feel free to speak on the tagboard. this site is dyingg~~ i'll update still whenever i'm free so its not dead yet. :) now, i think i should go get my dinner. have a good day/night everyone [:

though it hasnt been perfect, i don't regret them and never will. they may be the past but i'll remember them always,i know. i'm down it turned out like this but from what i see there isnt going to be a turning point and i know shouldnt wait for miracles to happen anymore because they most probably wont. i don't like it when i wake up feeling disappointed because it was just a dream. i guess its really time for me to stop feeling this way.i've said before its going to be hard, but im gonna have to try my best, though it isnt that i havent tried.(i've lost track of how many times i've edited this because i still feel that i can't express what im feeling exactly)i know at the end of the day i'll still be waiting though, and hoping that a time machine would bring me back to the past, hoping that all these free time that i have now could be channelled back to make up for the loss. i keep thinking perhaps i had a chance but i lost it admist all the busyness or i didnt know how to deal with it yet and it won't be back again.or maybe sometimes, things just change.and the maybes could go on forever. and i hate it that im still holding on to everything and not being able to do anything about it.i miss you.(and hopefully this is gonna be the last time i feel this way)i don't see the point of changing this to super-mini font size because people will end up copy-pasting them and seeing it still in the end.

anw everyone should listen to thisss
the melody is beautiful and it never fails to make me tear when i listen to it alone.
it wasnt easy for me to say all this but i feel so much better.

Love, Junnie